I wish I could show my support…

by Hazel Pino

I’ve seen one too many people I care about change due to drug abuse and when I met you, you were this innocent kid who didn’t know the first thing about drugs. So innocent in fact that you use to ask ME what it was like to do drugs. How you never think you’d ever do them. It just wasn’t for you.

Then she broke your heart.

And I feel like everything after that was just something to push you deeper down the spiral of a mess you were creating for yourself. And I never could really figure out why considering that the whole time you were dating her, you were hanging out with me. And you guys were only dating for like, a month. But that summer I watched you drift farther away from the boy I knew and more into one that was so high he didn’t remember that he came to visit me the day before, just to see how I was doing. You got mean, and said a lot of things that hurt me to my core, things I still remember today that still resound in the back of my mind. You were my best friend and knowing that drugs were warping your mind and taking you away from me was too much to deal with.

But I couldn’t stay away from you.

And even despite the mess that our friendship turned into, it seemed like, at the time, letting you go was just out of the question. You turned into someone I didn’t know, at all. When I looked at you, it was looking at a shell of the person you were. You looked like him, you sounded like him, you walked like him and sometimes you were him but most nights, you weren’t. You were this angrier, much more trouble version of him that would shut down help from anyone and it seemed like only drugs brought you the comfort you were looking for.

Fast forward ten years later — it’s been a few years since we’ve talked. Social media makes it easy to know how you’re doing and I see that you’re on your road to recovery. You’re trying to get back to that boy I once knew but because of our messy past, I can’t even contact you. I can’t tell you I support you and I’m rooting for you. And it sucks.

But I’m glad you’re making this journey and I wish you nothing but the best.

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