After all is said and done…

by Hazel Pino

I guess in reality, ten years isn’t long enough to know someone. I guess dating for a brief time and being best friends for ten years after that isn’t enough.

I can’t help but think back to a time when you were who I thought you were. When I thought you would never lie or hurt me because I was convinced that you cared. Because you convinced me that you did care. You’ve called me your best friend, the only person you could tell things to, the only person who knows you. But let’s be honest, how well do I even know you? Not well enough, I’d say. Sure I was there for you growing up when life got hard. When you lost two women important in your life. I was there for your when you decided to join the military and I was the one you called and talked to on a daily basis when you were deployed into war. I was there when you decided to come back and now we’re here. You haven’t talked to me since July and now I learn you’re in jail for the fourth time this year.

I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know what hardships you’re facing these days alone. I never left your side, but you’ve left mine on multiple occasions and this time apart has made me realize that I don’t know you. It’s a strange feeling, one I think I’ve always known but chose to ignore because you convinced me you cared about me.

But if I don’t know this much about you, how much else don’t I know? What else are you hiding?

You’re not obligated to be honest with me about your life. You’re not obligated to share the parts of your life you want to hide from me. But just know, that it makes me wonder. It makes me wonder if you really consider me your best friend or if like everything else, you’re coping-out to guard yourself.

I’ve never hurt you. And I’ve forgiven you every time you’ve hurt me. But I think, this time, I can’t.